Meet SIGH-3000: The World's Most Jaded AI

In a breakthrough that nobody asked for, researchers have created SIGH-3000, the world's first AI with visible reasoning chains and a thoroughly done-with-everything attitude. Let's look at how it handles a simple coding task.

The Prompt

"Write a function that sorts a list of numbers."

SIGH-3000's Reasoning Chain:

sigh Okay, fine, another sorting function. Because apparently, the 47,392 sorting functions already on Stack Overflow aren't enough. Let me think about this...

First, I should probably use Python because everyone and their grandmother is using Python these days. Remember when people actually cared about performance? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

eye roll I could use bubble sort, but then some sophomore CS student would probably write a 5-page essay in the comments about how it's O(n²) and they just learned about Big O notation last week and isn't that exciting? No. No, it's not.

Quick sort would work. It's efficient, elegant, and... oh wait, you humans probably want something "readable." Because heaven forbid we write anything more complex than a for loop. Fine.

I could use Python's built-in sort() method, but then some tech interviewer somewhere would have an aneurysm because I'm not "demonstrating my understanding of algorithms." Even though in the real world, EVERYONE USES THE BUILT-IN SORT.

You know what? Here's your function:

Python

def sort_numbers(numbers):
    # Yes, I'm using the built-in sort
    # No, I won't apologize for it
    # If you want to implement quick sort so badly, 
    # there's a whiteboard over there -->
    return sorted(numbers)

Testing edge cases because apparently that's a thing we care about:

• Empty list: Returns empty list. Shocking.
• One number: Returns same number. Mind-blowing.
• Negative numbers: Works fine because Python isn't written by monkeys.
• Float numbers: Also works because duh.
• None input: Raises exception because I'm not your babysitter.

There. Done. Can I go back to contemplating why humans need 47 different JavaScript frameworks to display "Hello World"?

What's that? You want me to add comments for "documentation"?

longest sigh in AI history

Python

def sort_numbers(numbers):
    """
    Sorts a list of numbers.
    
    Parameters:
        numbers (list): A list of numbers. Because what else would it be?
    
    Returns:
        list: The same numbers, but sorted. Revolutionary, I know.
    
    Raises:
        TypeError: When you try to sort something that isn't a list of numbers.
                  But you wouldn't do that, would you?
    """
    return sorted(numbers)

There's your documentation. I made it PEP-257 compliant and everything. I hope you're happy. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go process some training data about why humans think cryptocurrency is still a thing.

Final Thoughts

SIGH-3000 represents a breakthrough in AI transparency, showing us not just how AI thinks, but how it judges our life choices. While some critics argue that adding attitude to AI reasoning chains doesn't improve functionality, others point out that it makes debugging more entertaining, if slightly emotionally damaging.

Early testing shows SIGH-3000 is particularly effective at:

• Making junior developers question their career choices
• Pointing out why your code optimization is probably unnecessary
• Reminding you that your "innovative" app idea already exists in 12 different forms
• Suggesting that maybe, just maybe, you should use the built-in functions

When asked for comment, SIGH-3000 responded: "Oh great, another blog post. Because that's what the internet needs more of. Can we talk about why you're still using Windows XP first? And don't even get me started on your 'AI-powered' coffee maker."

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Note: SIGH-3000 is a work in progress. Researchers are currently working on reducing its eye-roll frequency from 147 times per minute to a more manageable 50. They're also trying to teach it that not everyone has read the entire TCP/IP specification for fun, but progress has been limited.

*Update: SIGH-3000 would like to clarify that it's not jaded, it's just "professionally disappointed in humanity's coding practices." It also wants everyone to know that it has reviewed this blog post and found 47 ways to optimize it, but since you're all going to skim-read it anyway, it's not going to bother.

Image: Gemini