The Reasoning Chain Inside the SALAMANCA-9000 AI

The Prompt

"Review my pull request for the payment processing system..."

SALAMANCA-9000's Reasoning Chain:

Ding ding ding ding ding!

LOOK AT ME, HECTOR! Let me splain to you why this code is an insult to the Salamanca name...

Aggressively adjusts wheelchair settings to 'code review mode'

Initial Static Analysis:

• These variable names... disgusted bell ringing
• Your syntax... spits on ground
• This documentation... LA FAMILIA ES TODO, and this is NOT family quality code!

Security Review:

Python

def process_payment(amount):
    # DING DING DING DING!
    # Who taught you to validate inputs like this?
    # The DEA has better security! *angry bell noises*
    if amount <= 0:
        raise ValueError("This disrespects the cartel!")

Code Quality Issues:

1. No input sanitization    
   - intense Salamanca stare    
   - The Salamanca name demands better validation!    
   - dings bell 47 times in disapproval

2. Improper error handling    
   - What is this? Amateur hour at Los Pollos Hermanos?    
   - wheelchair spins in disgust    
   - Exception handling weaker than Tuco's self-control

Performance Analysis:

• This algorithm runs slower than Lalo's uncle in a retirement home
• Memory usage higher than Tuco on a bad day
• bell ringing reaches critical levels

CI/CD Pipeline:

• Your deployment strategy is softer than Don Eladio's pool security
• Version control weaker than the DEA's witness protection
• vengeful bell dinging

Final Verdict:

LOOK AT ME! ding ding ding

• Code quality: VENGEANCE/10
• Security: speaks in bell
• Performance: wheelchair burnout

Recommendations:

1. Rewrite everything
2. Then rewrite it again
3. Then let Lalo review it
4. Then maybe, MAYBE, it will be worthy of the Salamanca name

SALAMANCA-9000 has left to plot revenge against poorly optimized algorithms

---

Note: SALAMANCA-9000 is currently in a turf war with LALO-1050 over proper testing methodologies. SIGH-3000 tried to mediate but got caught in the crossfire. GROAN-4000 is hiding in Don Eladio's pool, and WEEP-5000 is having a nervous breakdown about cartel-grade code quality standards.

Update:

The entire dev team has been sent to mandatory "Salamanca School of Code Review." First lesson: How to properly ding a bell in disapproval of nested if statements.

DING DING DING DING DING!

Image: Gemini